Choosing Your Response to a Stressor

How you respond to a stressor is your choice. You can accept a stressor, avoid it, or adapt to it. The response you choose depends on what your stressor is.

Accepting a stressor: You can't control or prevent some stressors, such as the death of a loved one or the loss of a job. You can't undo what happened. But you can begin to deal with the stressor by accepting it.

• Know that your feelings are normal and, in the case of a loss, give yourself time to grieve.

• Join a support group whose members are facing events or problems like your own.

• Talk with a trusted friend or a professional counselor about the stressor.

• Recall other stressors that you couldn't control or prevent and how you dealt with them.

Avoiding a stressor: You can't control some stressors, such as bad traffic. But sometimes you can avoid a stressful situation. Good planning is the key. Try these tips:

• Change your schedule or route to keep out of the worst traffic.

• Learn to say "no" to others without feeling guilty.

• Avoid people who take too much of your time and drain your energy.

• Find a way to leave a stressful situation.

Altering a stressor: Sometimes you can change how you deal with a stressor. For instance, you may get a lot of phone calls while trying to work. If so, see if someone can take messages for you or let your answering machine take your calls. You can return the calls later. Here are some other hints:

• Take control of the situation. Change the time, place, or setting of an event.

• Ask others for the support you need.

• Manage your time better. Limit how long you devote to certain tasks. Or enroll in a time-management class.

• Picture in your mind how you want to handle a scheduled event before it happens. To prepare for the event, rehearse what you pictured.

Adapting to a stressor: You can often adapt to a stressor. This means coping with it by changing how you think or act. For instance, you may have to put in extra hours at work this week. And you may feel overwhelmed. Here are some ways you can handle this stressful feeling:

• Ask yourself, "Is it worth being upset over this?" If it isn't, take a more upbeat approach.

• Think of the positive things in your life. You may find that the good outweighs the bad.

• Ask yourself, "Will this matter a year from now?" If it won't, then it's best not to worry about it now.

• Picture yourself in a pleasant place. This will help you relax and deal with your stress.

• Try to pause and relax before you act. First, stop what you're doing. Then take a deep breath and slowly count to 10. This will help clear your mind so you can make a plan of action.

Handling your stressors means choosing the best option for each situation. With practice, you'll deal with stress better and feel more in control.